I'm not sure if I'm a proto-geek or an aspiring polymath. I'm not really all that computer gifted, although I find that building your own is a heck of a lot of fun and one of these days when I find the time and concentration I'm going to learn a whole bunch of computer languages. Or maybe just one or two. I'm middle-aged, there isn't a whole bunch of time to get it all done anymore. It's that last sentence that probably pushes me more into aspiring polymath territory than anything else. There simply aren't just a couple of interests I want to pursue. Left to my devices (and given a handy extra hundred years or two) I want to pursue lots of interests. My patron saint would probably be Thomas Jefferson, warts and all.
I'm not a huge windows fan. Insert your favorite diatribe here, as I have probably shared in at least part of that viewpoint over the years. Vista was my main motivation to try Linux and Ubuntu has been my variety for several years now. Love it. If I was young, unmarried, and childless, I'd probably bounce around a few other distros to see what was out there (and spare me, I already know that there are probably polyamorous partners out there juggling world-class careers and a passel of children. Mazel tov, congrats and all that, but you're that talented. We're talking about me and my capacities right now!) but Ubuntu fits me and that's where I stuck. I keep windows around because I have to, but I keep Linux around because I love it. I'm slightly more talented than your average pet rock when utilizing it, but I love it.
I had to go without for several months because my newest computer build had a microscopic hard drive on it and there was no way I could run a dual boot. When I finally got back in the game, Ubuntu had decided to go with a totally different way of running a desktop, so there has been a learning curve. I'm still not completely sure I'm going to be able to navigate around this new way of doing things without at least a large ball of twine and a big stick of chalk, but once I got done playing around I found the same old dynamic seems to be working. If I'm in windows I waste time, if the Ubuntu is up then I'm trying to be productive with something.
Yeah, I'll hang around Sullivan's place. I'm a political junkie and I have to have my fix. Same with Maddow. But sooner rather than later I'll pull out the assignments I need to write for the Banshees, or start plotting out a short story, or layout the planting beds for Hopping Goose (I swear I'm going to get that potager going if it kills me and harelips every mule left in Texas!), or look up my fairly dormant blog system and make an entry or three. I'm sure this duality of approach says something about me, I'm just not sure what.
What I do know is that I've spent a good six weeks in a haze of some sort. I haven't really wanted to do anything, go anywhere, interact with anyone. I've just wanted to stay in my cave and be very very still. Of course, with a mate and several Banshees, that was a wash from the very beginning, but still: I didn't go anywhere and didn't do anything unless I had to. I knew something was wrong but I just wasn't doing a very good job of snapping myself out of it.
Changes come when they come. A few days ago, I actually made myself breakfast instead of scrounging for whatever was easy and quick. I started thinking about what I'd written on this blog and how far from those goals I had fallen. I pointed out to the echo chamber of my own skull that failure could always happen following an effort, but failure always followed lack of effort. I watched my son, my lovely MB, as he cheerfully made some of the most gawdawful, mis-proportioned figurines out of polymer clay and then, oh then, they began to get better. A little better, and a little better, and then a whole lot better. It isn't that he doesn't know how to fail, it's that he accepts imperfect first tries as the price of learning how to do better. And doing better is very, very important to him. More important than not getting it done at all for fear of never doing it right.
So I fall, so I get back up again. So I falter, so I learn, so I go on. It may very well be too late to get everything done in this lifetime that I want to do, but that was probably true the day I was born; there is just so much to do around here that no time would ever truly be enough. The weather is cooler now; autumn is here, my favorite season, the season I have always associated with new beginnings. And I have switched from windows to Ubuntu again; things are beginning to look up.