Thursday, February 5, 2015

Situational Blues tune

I am, I think, a tad depressed. Not the clinical sort, but the situational sort. There isn't enough money in the budget. There hasn't been enough money in the budget for a long, long time. As far as I can tell, there will never again be enough money in the budget. Which sucks, since I really like things like being able to paint the house and hire tree extraction specialists and put down carpet when the old one is so threadbare that it's entirely missing in places. It hurts, because the job my husband does is important and should be paid accordingly - not lavishly, but accordingly. And I wish I lived in a country that actually does value the family instead of just paying lip service to the idea and then snarling at people when they do have families to take care of. How do you find a well-paying job when the entire system is rigged so that only the CEOs actually matter? Everybody else is told that they're starving because they're lazy and/or undereducated when it's really just that they aren't a CEO of a major corporation. Be the CEO of a major corporation and you'll make out like a bandit, even if the company you're representing goes bankrupt and then goes under.

I can't fix the world. Not even one little corner. There are days when I can't even fix me, not even the slightest bit.

I do, however, know how to start. Little things, little pieces, little ways of doing things differently until something works. Staring at computer screen all day can make me crazy. Working with my hands makes me feel better. Thinking about all of the ways my life has gotten worse and doesn't ever look like it's getting better - well, no kidding that thinking that way is going to just spiral me down and out. So getting a project going that gives me something to show for my time, yeah, I know it isn't perfect and it won't solve everything but it will solve this one little thing for this brief period of time. Maybe, if I get lucky, I'll be able to string enough of those along to make it worth feeling better.

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