Accountability Post

I did absolutely lousy yesterday. I didn't get my homework done, didn't crack so much as a single CADD program, and woke up today with panic-adrenaline making sleep impossible about 4:30 a.m.

Today I deleted every single casual game time-waster from my laptop. They'll be back again at the end of the semester (probably earlier, I know I'm going to crack sooner rather than later). I realized that some of what needed to get done could NOT get done if I had any part of the internet going or any other computer-based avoidance system active. So: No internet, no radio, no music, no nothing until I got the paperwork done. I took my test, got 8/10, vowed to keep Facebook off for the rest of today. In fact, I'm thinking about going no-FB completely and seeing if my life rights itself a little.

Since I've made this blog part of my accountability system, I logged in after my test to document my hair-on-fire oh my gods I'm failing I'm a failure screaming into the void, also my yeah, you're not doing well but bear in mind you're still figuring out how to deal with an ADHD brain after decades of not even knowing you had one. You're not doing this on purpose, you're re-writing scripts and daymmmmn if it isn't painful and full of pitfalls.


Rewriting scripts, even partially, is a Sisyphean challenge especially when they're the psychological version of written in stone a spear's length deep.

This is going to be one my shorter (ha!) posts. I have to trim fingernails that make typing annoying and study for the class I need to leave for in about an hour. Then I have to come home and study for the class I have tonight, plus take a test that's due tomorrow. Whew. Just typing that out made me realize my day is cut out for me. I also have to pick up some cat litter, which is going to eat into my study time, and deal with my eventually-ex, which is a stress that has been so pervasive for so long I hadn't realized just how stressful it was until fairly recently. But that's another blog, another day, far far into the future. For now there's AutoCADD.