Sneaking Up On My Brain

I have homework.

I am behind on my homework.

Being behind on my homework causes me to panic. (Junior high and high school, thank you for the immortal script.)

Panicking makes me avoid homework.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Facebook has had enough of me today. Likewise Twitter. Ditto MSNBC. I've played a few rounds of my current favorite casual games. The Republic will not stand or fall on what I'm reading or reacting to today. Being terrified of the political situation will not, at this point, change the political situation. I wish it could, we would have had world peace yesterday.

So, I write. I note that I need to trim my fingernails because it's making typing a little fussy. I dust off an old blog and tell it just how crazy-making it is not to be able to concentrate because of fear. I pull out the little bitty meditation devices I know can work but I don't know if they will work today because they don't work all the time.

I know that, if I fail, I'm failing forward. I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in. I may not pass these classes. I will learn and I will try again. I may pass these classes albeit with grades I don't consider my best. I will learn and do better next time.

I cannot solve all of the issues I have with my life in the next 24 hours. If I could, I would drink my state's current supply of coffee and get on with it. I can, however, get on with the next step of getting on with the rest of my life.

Study. Complete assignments. Turn in tests. Check job applications. Get interview clothing in order.

In five years, I plan to be in a much happier place.

Today, I sneak up on my brain and persuade it to finish a homework assignment. If we finish the assignment, I get to write some fiction.

I'm looking forward to amassing a quantity of short stories.